


beacon academy's tasteful faculty groupchat

by breadwave



Category: RWBY
Genre: Gen, but not really, general beacon hijinks, groupchat fic, kinda ooc i guess, ooc-adjacent, this is real goofy but fun as hell to write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breadwave/pseuds/breadwave
Summary: glynda makes a professional group chat so the beacon staff can professionally stay in touch regarding professional topics of conversation while communicating in a very professional way
Comments: 29
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> note, this is all from the point of view of qrow's phone, and so the nicknames for everybody are put in accordingly 🤙 
> 
> i love the idea of oz just not knowing how to work a phone. he just does voice to text and prays

_11:25 AM ___

__

g dubs- Is that everybody?

bart, maybe- i’m a scorpio actually. the guy who got convicted was an aries, so maybe check your notes before you try to prove anything! you idiot fool.

g dubs- Um.

bart, maybe- wrong chat sorry.

me- HELLO??

the wiz- they Tried to indict you again,, ??.?

bart, maybe- yeah, i guess i just have that kinda face

me- Figuring out these numbers is way easier than i thought it would be

_[You changed ‘bart, maybe’ to ‘bart, definitely’.] ___

__

g dubs- Please, everyone. I literally just opened this up. Port, what about you?

blowhard- I AM HERE IN THE CHAT HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING

bart, definitely- still broken, i see.

me- I feel attacked just reading your crackhead ass texts

blowhard- SHUT UP CROW

me- It’s spelled with a

me- Nevermind

g dubs- ...Okay, so clearly we have everybody. 

g dubs- I’ll go ahead and start. If you somehow don’t have my number saved in your phone at this point, this is Glynda.

blowhard- IT IS OKAY WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE NO NEED FOR INTRODUCTIONS 

blowhard- HOWEVER I AM PETER PORT SO PUT THIS NUMBER IN YOUR PHONE THANK YOU

bart, definitely- this is dr oobleck. you can put the honorific in your phone if you want, but it really doesn’t matter.

me- You really want us to, don’t you

bart, definitely- yeah i do

_[You changed ‘bart, definitely’ to ‘dr bart, definitely’] ___

____

the wiz- Ozpin

the wiz- Thats me !

dr bart, definitely- ? i thought you were a stickler for grammar, ozpin. haha wha’s up with all those typos?

the wiz- What

dr bart, definitely- nvm

the wiz- What Does That Mean

dr bart, definitely- ...*what’s

blowhard- NOT EVERYBODY KNOWS HOW TO TYPE WELL BARTY

blowhard- OR HAS A WORKING PHONE

blowhard- YOU BE NICE ABOUT IT

the wiz- Im Speaking into my phone Everybody,

g dubs- Or maybe be quiet about it. As I was saying. 

g dubs- This is a group text, created to keep some of the Beacon staff in easier contact with each other, as well as to keep an easier tab on the school in general. It’s not for casual conversation.

blowhard- BARTY I READ THE EARLIER CONVERSATION WHAT DID YOU GET ACCUSED OF AGAIN

dr bart, definitely- stealing another sarcophagus. i wasn’t even in the same city though. i think people just like to start beef with me for no reason, honestly. ridiculous! completely, completely ridiculous!

blowhard- BUT YOU USUALLY INSTIGATE THE BEEF

g dubs- It’s not for casual conversation.

me- Why am i here though

the wiz- because I Asked. youre around here Very Frequently anyway. All The Time Really : ) You are Basically ! part of the staff .,

dr bart, definitely- but he’s not.

g dubs- He’s not.

blowhard- HE’S NOT

me- I’m not

the wiz- ,, , ..payroll Permitting, ,.

me- Okay that’s more realistic

g dubs- I’ll ignore it if you’ll help keep an eye on campus while you’re here. But don’t start any shit. 

g dubs- I mean it.

g dubs- Don’t do it. Don’t start any shit.

g dubs- Don’t do it, Qrow.

me- …

me- I mean oobs is the one who just got accused of sarcogo theft over twitter but ok

me- And he deflected with his zodiac sign of all things

blowhard- CROW MAKES A GOOD POINT

dr bart, definitely- you’d be surprised how much that holds up in court. also…. oobs? OOBS?

me- Oh yeah of course, dr. oobs

me- I’m a scorpio, i didn’t do it…. The jury concurs

me- And is now pointing fingers at the gemini

the wiz- i am. A gemini : (

me- Oh of COURSE youre a gemini

dr bart, definitely- the hell’s that supposed to mean

_[g dubs started a private message] ___

____

_12:37 PM ___  
g dubs- Don’t. Do it.

me- Lmao


	2. Chapter 2

3:55 PM  


the wiz- every One.

the wiz- Oh No,,, Every One!

the wiz- a Situation has. emerged. I Need Attention Please

blowhard- WHAT’S HAPPENED

dr bart, definitely- yes?

the wiz- Okay. everyone is listening to…..Me

the wiz- Every one… there, Are.

g dubs- Oh, someone told you.

the wiz- RATS

the wiz- IN THE SCHOOL

the wiz- there are. RATS IN HERE

me- He learned how to use caps lock, everybody

dr bart, definitely- we’ve got rats?

dr bart, definitely- well, i mean if we’re training these kids to fight monsters of unspeakable evil.. surely they can stomp on a rat.

the wiz- it is Not the end of Remnant. 

the wiz- Will it be Ok?

the wiz- yes.

the wiz- but right Now, there are RATS, scurrying around in our School. with their little

the wiz- RAT HANDS

the wiz- with Pathogens... ABOUND….,,, we can not be having that

me- Do you guys think anybody would believe us if we showed them a screencap of this chat after oz delivered one of his speeches

me- Words of wisdom to inspire generations… every word he speaks is a senior quote

me- Yet against all odds he types like a boomer

me- Well not even that

me- I don’t have a clue how he’s typing like that

me- He’s developed his own dialect of the internet’s english

g dubs- I called an exterminator. Should be around here tomorrow morning. Make sure to keep students sequestered off.

the wiz- I Already Said That,,I just talk into my Phone!. I Do Not Control,,, the way it looks

dr bart, definitely- ozpin i value you greatly as a person, but i’m 99% sure i’m way older than you, and i promise you texting is not as hard as it seems

the wiz- Heh,, heh Heh.

dr bart, definitely- ???

the wiz- Oh Nothing : )

g dubs- ANYWAY, it’s important not to panic. Stress is only going to bring Grimm, which just makes things even more annoying.

the wiz- Please Tell The Students… to go Rat Hunting. Think Of It as…. a New kind of Training Mission ! 

the wiz- Glynda is Right! If We just keep things.,, Positive! Things will find a way to Fall Into Place.

the wiz- Besides,,, Rats are big. There Should not be Too Many… regardless!

me- How many did you see when you walked in, glynda?

g dubs- Roughly ten scurrying around in the break room.

the wiz- NO

dr bart, definitely- haha oh gods

dr bart, definitely- ozpin, are you a germaphobe?

dr bart, definitely- because my keen observation skills are telling me.. that you are very concerned about the rats. you got something against a germ or two?

the wiz- .

the wiz- Hmm

the wiz- Surely not, Bartholomew! I just love to prioritize the health of our students above all else. You know that I prefer to keep my mind on the collective instead of the few. :)

dr bart, definitely- i-

blowhard- YOU FIGURED OUT HOW TO TEXT! YOU HAD A SUDDEN EPIPHANY, IT SEEMS! I KNEW YOU WOULD COME AROUND ONE DAY. GOOD FOR YOU.

g dubs- Good for you, indeed.

_[g dubs started a private message with you and the wiz.] ___

__4:30 PM_ _

__g dubs- Your majesty, if you’re going to speak for him, you might wanna be a more convincing actor than that._ _

__the wiz- I told you not to call me that! :( We’re friends, Ms. Goodwitch._ _

__me- That’s all well and good, but the man doesn’t know how to use a phone_ _

__me- It’s sad that the king of legend can use a phone perfectly, but not his successor who’s half his age_ _

__me- Like, who’s the boomer now_ _

__the wiz- What’s a boomer?_ _

__g dubs- Let’s just focus on the rats. One thing at a time._ _

__g dubs- Please. Please, let’s just focus on the rats._ _

__g dubs- Please, I… Please._ _

__me- We get itttt_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued...
> 
> will they stop the Rats??? who knows..
> 
> i have nothing else to do in the throes of this quarantine than write my beacon group chat fanfiction, so the rat saga Will continue.
> 
> stay tuned, gamers


End file.
